Moving Forward

Not long after my last post, my husband lost his job. Things have been a little hectic since then, getting used to having him home, settling into a new routine, etc. One benefit, though, is dinnertime. We take turns cooking and we often are inspired to out-do one another, so for the most part, I've really been enjoying the food around here! Another interesting bit of news is I have lost 10 lbs over the past year. Now, this is not a huge weight loss by any means, but considering I have been able to get my weight to budge that much in the past three years, and the only thing different this year is that we now eat a lot less processed foods, I'm pretty darn happy! I'm not a "clean" eater yet by any means, but we do really limit the processed foods we consume and really like making things from scratch. Anyway, the weight loss as a result renews my faith that it is possible to actually lose some weight. Dax and I have also started working out semi-regularly together, and I have my hoop group I go to.

In other news, I also noticed that in my last post, I mentioned that my stomach had been bothering me. It continued longer than I was comfortable with so I finally saw a dr and then a gastroenterologist to see if I could figure out what the problem is. They started with a colonoscopy since my mother died from colon cancer. After a week of a low-residue diet, and then a day of nothing but clear liquids and a long evening of "prep", I had my first colonoscopy this morning. The prep wasn't as horrible as everyone said it would be, and the colonoscopy itself was as easy as everyone said, but the week of the low-residue diet was torture. I felt like garbage all week and had constant migraines. Normally a month supply of Imitrex (9 pills) lasts 2 months for me, but I went through this months' supply in a paltry 6 days. I don't have all the results from the colonoscopy yet, but they found 3 tiny polyps (less than 5 mm) which they're testing, but aren't worrisome (but good to get rid of!). I'll find out more about that in a couple of weeks. During that 2 weeks I'm supposed to eat dairy-free to see if I've become lactose intolerant, and then after that we may do more testing for things like gall bladder issues and gluten intolerance or Celiac. I'll just take it one step at a time though and focus on the dairy-free thing. I enjoyed a post-colonoscopy dairy-free dinner of chicken lo mein. I am also head-ache free for the longest stretch since last Thursday. I'm hoping that lasts because I don't get any more meds for 3 weeks!

Now, even though I can't have it right now, I wanted to share an incredible chicken tikka masala recipe I tried recently. It's so amazingly good (and really quite easy), I have made it twice so far. It makes a ton of leftovers too, which I love. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2009/06/chicken-tikka-masala-by-pastor-ryan/

My variances from the recipe:

*It always took at least twice as long as they suggested to broil the chicken. That was no big deal, but worried me the first time.

*I used 1 tsp. ground ginger rather than fresh (I already had the ground).

*I used crushed tomatoes instead of diced because I like a smoother sauce.

*I did not add the optional ingredients of cilantro (Dax doesn't like it) or chili peppers (I didn't want it spicy)

This meal was easily the best thing I've eaten in a long time, and I really hope I'm not lactose intolerant so I can have it again really soon!

Groceries

Normally I hate going to the grocery store, but today I had a good trip there! For $138 I have 5 1/2 lbs of bottom round to make into ground beef, roast, and stew, three whole chickens that were majorly on sale (These aren't happy chickens. They're the ones in Food Inc. that make me cry, but sometimes money talks), tilapia for tonight's dinner, lots of frozen veggies and plenty fresh. Three different kinds of fresh fruit, stuff for pasta and ravioli, greek yogurt, ice cream, and more! The most "processed" foods I got were the kids' Goldfish, the Stoneyfield yogurt, and the Breyer's ice cream. For the first time in awhile I feel like we have a big variety of foods to choose from. It's nice!

That said, my stomach has been bothering me lately and I think our servings of fruits and veggies had taken a dip, so I'm hoping that if I eat a little more "clean" for a few days, I can straighten this all out. I'll leave most of the meat to the other carnivores in this house and try and stick mostly to fruit, veggies, yogurt, and nuts. Maybe some oatmeal? I did make a big batch of brown rice this morning, so maybe a little of that too. I'm also back to making sure I drink enough water. I used to be fabulous about that, but that habit has fallen by the wayside along with many other good ones.

Here's to a full fridge, clean food, and staying hydrated! (and hopefully to a happier tummy.)

Indecision

I get paralyzed from indecision sometimes. It is so hard to be productive when the thought process required to decide what to have for breakfast is overwhelming. This morning

was no exception. My first thought was eggs, as it usually is, but for whatever reason I

didn't want to cook eggs this morning. I'm out of cheese so no omelet, I have no

bread for toast. I do have some bagels, but they are of the sweeter variety, and not really

good for an egg sandwich. However I could choose a bagel and cream cheese, but again, they are

a sweeter bagel, and I prefer a salty bagel/cream cheese flavor combination. Not that I'm opposed to having something sweet for breakfast, but it should be more uniformly sweet if so.

For a minute or two I consider Frosted Flakes, but then I decide I don't really want to eat that much sugar first thing in the morning. I start getting bothered about not having made a decision yet, so I think maybe I should just get a glass of Sierra Mist in the meantime and not eat anything until I decide what I want. But it would be ridiculous to turn down the Frosted Flakes because of all the sugar if I'm just going to drink a glass of sugar instead. If that's the case, I might as well have Skittles for breakfast! Oooh, Skittles...I have some. Mostly just the green ones left because they're my least favorite. Not that I won't eat green skittles. Oh I will! But they're not my first choice. OMG, Am I seriously to the point where I'm really considering eating nothing but green Skittles for breakfast? I have to do better than that! I revisit cooking some eggs, because I really like eggs, but I'd want something carby with them. I could make some brown rice because I love that with eggs, but that would take 45 minutes to cook and that's just too long! I wish I could be fine with having a bagel. Oh wait...there's sunbutter! Sunbutter on a sweeter bagel is really good! That appeals to the side of me that loves a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It's THAT kind of flavor combo!

Finally, having decided on a breakfast, I put the bagel in the toaster and begin a long mental dialogue berating myself for wasting so much time trying to pick a FOOD when I have so much work that needs to get done. Or I could shower! Or exercise! Or clean something! Anything! I think about this for so long that I start to think of the voice in my head as a separate person, one that I don't have to answer to. I mentally laugh at Other Me and live in the moment for a minute or two, completely enmeshed in the moment and aware of everything going on around me.

(I am currently reading "The Power of Now" for my book club and apparently it's starting to sink into my consciousness.) I snap out of my musings to see that my bagel popped up awhile ago and I better get to it while it's still warm. That's when I look back towards the living room and notice the light coming in the front door and how pretty the piano looks bathed in the light. It could potentially make a pretty photograph so I decide to grab my camera. It won't take too long to snap a few shots. I have to take several though because the lens I'm using doesn't autofocus anymore. I have to focus it manually which isn't so bad, but my eyesight isn't very good and it's really hard for me to tell if something is in focus. Not to mention I'm shaky which means many blurry photos are inevitable. I don't mess with a lot of settings on the camera though because I know that will suck up way too much of my time and then I won't be able to resist editing them right after so I can see how they turned out. No, I'll just shoot these on Program mode and play

with them later.

Finally, my sunbutter bagel is finished and I pour a glass of milk to go with it. They look pretty together, and I think about taking a picture of it, since this IS a blog where I'm going to be talking about the things I eat. At this point, though, I figure it's best to stick with a picture of the piano and eat my food.

Yummy Stuff

I made cinnamon rolls with Mazzy today. Such a yummy and easy thing to make! Fortunately, I can be a good girl and eat just one.

This is what I would call a typical breakfast for me. The orange juice is optional, but I almost always have eggs of some sort for breakfast. This is the best omelette I have made for awhile, and that was simply because I remembered that I had broccoli in the freezer (and I love broccoli!) Typically, I use one whole egg and two egg whites for my omelettes, and I keep the extra yolks for pudding or something.

Time for a Change

So, what's new with me? Well, I got bored with myself, stopped taking pictures, stayed in a rut and got bored with that too. So this is what I want to do. I need to lose weight. I need to get in better shape. I believe that discussing my weight loss attempts is about the most boring subject on the planet, but I don't have anything better to talk about. I'll be 40 in 18 days. I don't mind so much, but I'm not happy with myself either. On the other hand, I'm not willing to give up all the yummy stuff life has to offer, so I'm going to attempt to lose weight without the diet rules everyone says I have to follow. I don't want to give up real food which means I need to conquer this adversity to regular exercise that I have. I'm hoping to enter my 40s with some big changes. At best, I'll prove that you don't have to torture yourself to change your life and reclaim your health. At worst, I'll have eaten some yummy food and maybe tried some new activities.

Wildfire

I've neglected this blog a lot, but mostly I think it's for good reason. One of the major reasons I began this blog was to start finding me again, to give me back some sorely lacking self-confidence, and to make sure I'm not barrelling towards my forties all stagnant and absent from my own life. As I've been posting less and less, I've been feeling like myself more and more. So I suppose it might be time for a blog shift again, although I don't think I'll ever be fully done with the self-portrait project.

One of my goals this summer was to do things I wanted to do, but were "too afraid" to do them. A few years ago I started hoopdancing, and was very into it for awhile. I had one friend who would come over and hoop with me, but eventually that died out. And I was unable to find anyone around here that was interested. In July, I heard of a gathering about an hour from here called Hoopla!. We went, and my love for my hoops was reborn and I guess, in a way, validated. Finally I had found a group of people who loved hooping even more than I do, and they were so good and so inspirational. I didn't want to leave that night without building some connections, so I asked one of the ladies that ran the workshops if she knew any other events like this one coming up. She said the only one she could think of was the Wildfire Retreat. When I got home, I looked it up and found out that it was basically a training camp for the fire arts. www.wildfireretreat.com There would be hooping, poi, staff, fire breathing, and so much more, and we could go! We could have a whole weekend just learning more and more stuff with other people that like the same thing! After finding out about that, I did even more research and found a local group that met by the river every Tuesday for a local spin jam. How did I miss all of this before?

So we've been going to that, and we went to Wildfire. The photo above is from this past weekend at Wildfire. I took several hoop classes along with fire fans, belly dancing, and fire breathing. It was really an amazing experience and will have a lasting impact on me. I won't say I was one of those people that go and find the family they never knew they had. I was probably too nervous for that. What I did find is a place where I feel free to learn and fail, a place where competition doesn't exist and everyone wants everyone else to experience their personal best. I was shy, as I often am, and didn't make the kind of connections with people that I hoped I would, but everyone I have met has been so open and willing to embrace me anyway, and I feel more than welcome to pursue this passion as a new path in my life

This last photo is my first attempt at fire breathing. It's arguably the most dangerous of the fire arts, but in that environment and with that group of people, I felt educated enough and safe enough to try it. It was a hell of a lot of fun!

Run

I started running again last week. I'm not officially "cleared" to run again until July, but I started anyway. Right now I'm just running a little bit on my treadmill (which makes this outside picture a bit of a fake. But hey, I did go right back inside and run!), and I'll wait until July to move outside. That's a fair compromise, right? Anyway, I like running. I'm terribly slow, and I blame a good part of that on my terribly short legs. My "running" pace is 4mph. Yep, that's a 15 minute mile! That's o.k. though, as long as I can keep going. I signed up for my very first 5K for the end of August, so hopefully I can keep up the motivation and continue to improve. I'd love to be able to run the whole thing, but as I've never been much of an outside runner, I just don't know...